Who Knew Failure Was 86.5%?

First, the good stuff! Yesterday I got to go spend the morning in Eve's kindergarten class. It was the wedding of the letters Q and U. They did the same thing when Isaac was in kindergarten. It's a cute concept. The letters Q and U commit to work together and always be together in words. The flower girl dropped Q-tips down the isle while one of the boys dropped fake quarters. Eve was a Q bridesmaid. She carried a letter Q and her best friend forever, Eli, was a groomsman for U. They were so cute walking down the isle together waving at their kindergarten friends. The ceremony is a neat idea, but there is a point in the ceremony where the principal says that Q will have to be understanding when U needs to be in other words without her. I think I've now been to my very first open marriage ceremony. The kids had so much fun.
After the wedding the mothers were invited back to the classroom for snack and to get our Mother's Day gift. Isaac did the same one two years ago. It's a survey with questions about mom that the kids answer.

Here is Eve holding mine. And here is what it said

My mother's name is Brana

My mother is 44 years old.

My mother's favorite food is burgers.

My mother's favorite color is Pink.

My mother's favorite store is Safeway.
My mother's favorite animal is a cat.

My mother's favorite place is the mall.

My mother's favorite sport is soccer.

My mother is good at board games.

My mother and I like to go shopping.

My mother likes it when I pick up.

My mother is great because she love me.

I love you, Mom!!! Love, Eve

She got a lot of them right...but was just a little off on the age. She asked me how old I am and I told her 30. She looked so disappointed. I told her she was really close and she looked at me and said, "Um, Mom, 31 is really close to 30, not 44." The girl is too smart and too funny.

Last night at school I did something I NEVER thought I would do. I held an human brain...and it was awesome. It really does amaze me that I am enjoying this. I didn't flinch once, didn't turn my head away, wasn't bothered by the smell and I liked it. This class has me thinking constantly about the body in ways I didn't know I could. I really like it. The downside is that I'm struggling on my tests. I've done great on all my quizes, almost all of them are perfect scores, but I keep making stupid mistakes on my tests. I was so meticulous on this last one. Took my time, reread everything and I still made mistakes. It's so frustrating because I knew the material. My class grade is now and 86.5% and it's not enough. I have 4 more test to pull it up and I am terrified that I won't be able to do it if I don't stop making these mistakes. If I get a B there is a chance I will need to retake the class to get into the program I want. What sucks about that is I know the material I'm just not testing well...so how will that change if I retake the class? The amount of stress I am carrying is starting to get to me. I am not eating, tired all the times and near tears more often then I'd like to admit. I want to scream at myself to just suck it up. I want to tell myself that I can get through this and do well, that I am smart enough and motivated enough...but the fear of failure is just ringing in my ears telling me that I should have not rocked the boat, continued being a (crappy) homemaker (if you've seen my house you know) and just been content with that. But I have already started, invested my time, my family's time and money. That makes the fear of failure worse. Last night when I got home I just collapsed next to Brian and cried quietly. He asked me what was wrong and I couldn't even talk about it. I just laid there long enough to pull myself together and then I just told him about the brain stuff. I just didn't want to talk about anything else. He is so good to give me my space and yet comfort me at the same time. I know he knew I had a rough night and for the first time in a long time we fell asleep cuddled up together, and it was really nice.

As for today, I was supposed to spend it with Suzanne. She was going to help me study the brain stuff I need for my quiz tonight. Eve woke up with a sore throat so I am home, in my pjs learning the numbering of the brain and the matching functions. Just how I want to spend my day! I will be spending most of the weekend studying for our exam, including Mother's Day. Let's see if I can pull out a better grade on this next exam...