Feeling Overwhelmed

I'm wondering if I'll write a post anytime soon where I don't feel overwhelmed. I tripped last Thursday and jammed my post surgery foot into the hard cement in the garage. It hurt. I was so worried I had damaged something, but luckily everything was ok. It hurt so badly for the next few days though. I didn't make it to school that night, so I'm feeling even further behind in my bio class, which is not a good feeling at all. Then this afternoon I checked my syllabus for the class and realized that our next test is MONDAY! I'm not even close to ready. I also have a small paper to write for the same class before that day and I'm nervous about both. I have plans to meet a friend to study on Saturday and I am hopeful that it will be a good thing for me. I didn't do as well as I wish I had last week on the test. True, I had just had surgery 3 days before, but I would really like for my grade to have been higher. I've spent tonight trying to figure out what I am going to register for in Spring. I found out from another potential nursing student that I need to have my CNA before applying. This changes everything. I now have to figure out when I am going to get that, and I don't think that I'll be able to fit it in before the next application deadline. The next nursing school seminar isn't until after registration for spring quarter, so I need to decide if I should chance it and fill up my schedule and push myself, or if I should relax a bit, take less on and just plan to apply next year. I hate the idea of delaying, but I really don't think I can do everything within the next 3 quarters of school. If I take a step back I could do the CNA during the summer and then finish out my classes during next year and then apply. Just not sure. I think I will see if I can contact someone in the nursing department to get more clarification on next year's deadlines and information about the CNA. Oh, and did I mention that at some point I need to still take care of my family? Was it really smart of me to take all this on? I don't know. I refuse to be scared off, but I really need to take some time and figure out what will be the best plan. Seriously, doing all of this with children is very hard. I am constantly feeling like something isn't being done well enough, whether it's school or things at home. I am hoping that it will be worth it in the future. It gives me a lot of comfort to know that once I finish, I will have a skill set to be able to actually make a decent amount of money, especially if something ever happens to Brian's job or to Brian. But 3 years seems so far away and so much can happen in that time. I guess it's ok to freak out a little bit about what I have to do.

Tonight, while I was walking in between classes there were two missionaries visiting with other students. I stopped for a moment to say hello and visit. For me, it was a good moment. It was a reminder to me that I am not alone in my crazy world. There presence reminded me of that. I need to remember to not only rely on myself, but to have faith and trust that Heavenly Father is there for me. On a day filled with so many choices and stress, I needed that reminder.

On a lighter side, this past weekend and today I got a lot of time to spend with the kids. On Valentine's Day I got a movie and tons of fun treats and we had our own party. I put out everything and the kids were thrilled that they could chose from so many treats without any limit. We laughed our way through the movie. I loved spending that time with them. Today we picked up HSM3 and has a smaller lunch party while we watched it. The soundtrack for that movie has been in the van since it came out in theaters. We have listened to it over and over and over. It was fun to watch the movie and the kids knew all the songs. They'd say things like, "oh, it's number 8!" Songs didn't have titles, they have track numbers. Yesterday poor Isaac gave us a laugh. He asked to have a bagel. I told him yes and he went into the kitchen to make it. He came out a few minutes later very upset. He said that he was sad he wasted his bagel and asked if he could have another one. I asked him how he wasted it. He accidentally put sour cream on it instead of cream cheese. He didn't realize the mistake until he ate it. Poor boy! We gave him a do over!

On Sunday I taught in Relief Society again. After, one of the nicest women in the ward, Sister M, came up to me and told me she had some things for me in her car. Sister M is in her 70s and is a convert to the church within the last few years. This past summer her husband, who was battling cancer, decided to be baptised and a week later passed away. I had take Elijah to the baptism, and it was one of the most amazing moments I have ever experienced. I followed Sister M to her car and she gave me two books. One was a vintage children's hymn book. It is amazing. She had found it at a thrift shop and thought of me. She didn't even know that I have a soft spot for old books and have started picking them up when I come across them. The other was a book of Christmas music. She had gotten them for me before the holidays, but our timing hadn't quite matched up. I was so touched that this woman thought of me. She found me a gift that means so much. I cried when she gave them to me and hugged her tight. It was such a good moment. As I am sitting her writing tonight, I am feeling a lot of the stress lift off. I am reminded that even in all these tough moments, in all the stress, that there are beautiful moments too. The kindness of others, the laughter of my kids and the gentle reminders that we are not alone. I already feel better.