My Stupid Mouth

Sometimes I feel that song describes my life. I remember when I first heard it. I had just bought John Mayer's first big CD and was listening to it in my kitchen in Pennsylvania. It pretty much summed up how I felt about myself. "My stupid mouth has got me in trouble. I said too much again." I feel like I start talking with the best of intentions-and it goes ok for a while-but before I know it I have totally stopped thinking before speaking and I just start to make a mess that I have to back track out of. I know that if I had really thought it through I might have been able to keep things controlled and kept myself from saying things I really don't want to. Sometimes the things I say are just stupid, but sometimes I say things that I'm really feeling, but don't really want to say. Then it makes me feel a bit crazy when I get the reaction that I do. The topics are usually things that I am fine with most of the time, but sometimes, things that really bother me. I know that if I could just keep my mouth shut the moment will pass and it will go back to fine, but my stupid mouth doesn't always remember that. And now that I've spoken, I can't stop thinking about it. Wondering if it would be better to really dig in deep to an issue, or if it's best to stay quiet and keep the peace. Keeping the peace can sure be lonely. But, diving into an issue that there is no real hope to change can be just as lonely, if not more so. And that makes me wish I had just not spoken in the first place.